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I was never a boy scout, I strongly believe this to be the origin of all my problems. I shower and dress in the dark, therefore I have never seen myself totally nude. Whenever in a sexual situation, the melody to "Jesus Loves Me (Yes I Know)" as performed by a children's chorus, and or Bela Bartok's "Music for Strings, Percussion, and Celeste" usually resonate throughout my head and gradually increase in volume as I approach a climax. I am unfortunate enough to have the seventh sense, which is the ability to taste dead people when in close proximity to their spirits. I have a second back. In second grade I shared a telepathic moment with a very close friend, I was in class contemplating the imagined marvel that is shoes with springs built into the soles. I turned to my friend and asked: "You know what'd be cool?" and he responded: "Shoes with springs on the bottom so you could bounce really high." I have never been able to understand how someone could possibly enjoy a turtle sundae that contains too many pecans... on a semi-related note, I've never been able to understand why certain people pronounce the name "Washington" with an "r" inserted before the "s", making it "Warshington"... on another semi-related note, I've just recently gotten that damned "p" out of "something".

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